Gr ey 's t he Col our

bestflen's quiz thing (i know its not for me)

2008-06-03T23:17:00.003+08:00

(2 Points) My name: Wenny
(4 Points) My last name: Yeo
(4 Points) Who am I in love with: Fallout Boy?
(2 Points) Where did we meet: HMV?
(6 Points) Take a stab at my middle name: GARFIELD!
(1 Points) Where do I work: Used to; at Starbucks Harbourfront
(4 Points) What am I afraid of: Strangers touching you, haha
(2 Points) Do I smoke : DUH
(3 Points) Do I drink: No
(3 Points) Do you think I'm a virgin: YESSS! haha =D
(2 Points) Do I have any siblings: WENNNNNNNNAAAAA
(3 Points) How many: one. WENNNNAAAAAAAAA
(3 Points) What's one of my favorite things to do: listen to music with those AWESOMEST earphones
(2 Points) How many piercings do I have: 4? maybe 5?
(4 Points) How many tattoos do I have: two, if you don't count words. words will make it 4?
(4 Points) What's my favorite type of music: Fallout-Boy-music.
(4 Points) Am I shy or outgoing: both at the same time. (am not looking at the points here haha)
(3 Points) Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules: follow if you have to, if you don't you'll break it, WITH ME! haha
(2 Points) Whats my favorite color: black, red, white?
(3 Points) Name something I hate: CARAMEL
(4 Points) Name a talent I have: you can DRAW.

(4 Points) Whats my phone number: you-know-that-i-know
(4 Points) What kind of sneakers do I wear: RiverIsland (the one that got thrown away!! hahahaha), and Converse, you'll NEVER wear adidas
(4 Points) Do I have any pets: YAHHH (its denyse)
(2 Points) Who am I dating/liking right now: Jeff Davis?
(5 Points) How long have I been dating/liking them: Recently. Tsktsk
(6 Points) How tall am I: Shorter than me! :D
(5 Points) What is my worst habit: being a pushover. (yes it's considered a habit to me)
(5 Points on creativeness) If I were stranded on a desert island, what would I bring: Peter Pan! And your handphone in case, ME ME ME!, Pad. HAHAHAHA

enjoy bestflen. denyse is playing majhong on the ps2.
fox is playing God of War on the PsP, and i gave up on Burger Island on the laptop. shrugs.
can't wait for underwater world tmr! i'm dead tired now.
fell asleep while waiting for fox and denyse to buy dinner just now :(
i still gotta change the bunnies' cages =/
long day tmr. and i'm gonna be tired all over again.
nevermind, its worth it. i get a day with my family.
you, fox and denyse.

can't wait to see dolphins again. tata-

does anyone even read this shit

2008-05-28T04:41:00.002+08:00

you know
before i tell no one about bangkok
i kinda wonder if anyone reads this shit.
do you?!

i know bestflen wenny does.
other than that, i think no one.
my mom used to spy on my blog
that was when she knew it.
doubt she knows this one.

bestflen is leaving for Perth
in about.. 2 months?
i think i might have to start counting the days
til the day she flies.
and i dont think she's even gonna let me
send her off at the airport. shrugs.

well my baby bunnies have been away for 5 days
since i left for bangkok,
on the 22nd of may till 26th may.
and i'm gonna pick them up tomorrow!
hopefully in the afternoon i'll have them back.
got quite worried about them
hopefully theyre alright
and they can still remember both of us.

bestflen bestflen, meet me soon yah.
oh and dee says shes single again
i get a feeling its not gonna be for long :)
and i hope shes doing alright.
i wanna see her soon too!
i wanna meet up with both of them.
didnt get much things for dee
cos even the tshirts there can't fit me
so it was near impossible to get her a tshirt :(
and well, bought her something, nonetheless.
and i bought bestflen stuff too.
and a bag for my mom.
and snacks for my dad.
and lotion for my sister.
and a keychain for my teacher.
and a necklace for myself.
and a bracelet for myself.
and new jeans for myself.
and 3 new tshirts for myself.
and 2 pairs of shoes for myself.
and a bag for myself.
and a coin purse for myself.
and 2 keychains for myself.
and a coin purse for baby's mom.
and a handphone holder for baby's sister.
and a pair of house-slippers for us.

anyone else? hmm.

oh yeah! haha. me bestflen loves me.. more than YOU

2008-01-23T05:45:00.000+08:00

as in, she loves me more than she loves you
and quite close to almost any dam stranger.
as a matter-of-fact,
she hates strangers!
HAHA.

im glad you dint "kill the internet"
cos then i wouldnt have been able to read ur entries.
haha.
(p.s. thats funny; how you wrote HAHA. on your friends cast)
itsssss almost 6am.
and guess what...
imma still awake. haha
chongsters not here tonight,
no one to shoo stubborn me to bed.
:O

i want ur tattoo to be as great as you want it to
i want it to be purrfect.
even if it has garfields face all over it
(HAHAHAHAHA) -coughs
every-fucking-word remember.
read EVERYTHING. laughs
did it calm your nerves? i hope it did
if not imma look for more alternatives.
like acupuncture.
which my mother has been trying to tell me
that it WORKS;
that 'chinese traditional medicine' is starting to be proven to scientists that it actually works as good as, or if not better, than the conventional drugs.
i say hooray to panadol, acetaminophen, paracetamol, etc.
haha. can you imagine?

WANG LING krystal stephanie;
Doctor in Chinese Traditional Medicine. -.-
and the "krystal stephanie" goes down the drain
it'll be Doctor Wang Ling. zz.
or worse. Doctor LING. -sobs bitterly

wellllllll still better than like;
Doctor Hasfaklbsfau S. Detqnasdgagjn
(inside joke; some might get it some wont)
Doctor of Chinese Herbal Medicine
HAHAHHAHAHA. -coughs

im SOOO glad i can read my bestflen's blog
(yes, i manage to get in time after time)
saves all the sms-es.
and explanations of "how she feels"
when i can just, read it. haha

superb i tell you.
OH and another thing -
wise-guys say that blogging stupid
cos you write personal shit online
so the whole world can read.
it's not STOOPID.
well to some lame-asses it is.
as in, those who purposely spill on the net
purposely so people can read -.-
but i mean,
its good for ME,
in a way such that i can read my bestflen's thoughts and stuff
and know whats going on everyday
even when we're both really busy
the blog makes us feel that we're still meeting up
and still 'keeping in touch'.
and instead of asking her whats going on,
i read about it, and i feel,
like im up-to-date. you know?

and sometimes its hard for ppl to express what they feel
or put it in words;
especially when you ask them in their face..
it's hard for them to put it in words,
let alone VOICE it out.
so the blog is there..
so they take their time,
to write what they really feel
and only those CERTAIN people get to read it..
and understand what they're feeling
about things that's happened, or is happening.
if it's looked at it in a mature way,
then its fine. its useful.

unlike some 13 yr olds who go
OMG I HATE YOU STUPID BITCH!
-INSERT NAME HERE- YOU WILL DIE IN HELL!
YOU BACKSTAB ME AND I HATE YOUR ASS!
then be SO nice to them in school.
i dont get that whole 2face thing.
blog = keep friends up-to-date with your life
so they feel close to you, still.
gees. not to tell the world everyting
and then go "WHO ASK YOU TO READ"
when you confront them abt shit in their blog.
hahahahaha. i mean, its online, dude.

and...

i dont wanna be the one to say;
but sometimes,
(key word: SOMETIMES)
i think im a not-so-bad judge
of a person's character.
even if i dont know them,
especially if i do.

and im glad shes the plaster,
thats ripped off and down the toilet
and that youre not the plaster
that has to get sucked into dung.

keep it this way,
please.
im not gonna do the
i-told-you-so dance.
i love you more than that.
and thus,
imma here. :)
even if you wanna whine,
complain,
banter,
bitch.
whatever.
imma here for bestflen.

bestfriends tattoo.

2008-01-20T02:28:00.000+08:00

bestflen's gonna ink herself on friday
its her 21st birthday.
i hope she won't backout.
she's freaking out right now,
and i hope she's got it under control.

all she has to know is that
her tatooist is professional.
and hes DAMN good at what he does.
so just relax.
think of him as a doctor..
the doctor has to 'touch' you to see
exactly what's wrong right?
he has no intention of harming you
he's doing what youre paying him to -
give you your first tattoo!
they're all friendly (both tattoo artists in the studio)
best part is, when it comes down to work
they're serious and logical.
or would i say.. they're calm? serious?
yeah its professional.

plus i wouldnt recommend you to people
whom i think are not good enough..
know what i mean?
plus theyre fox's friends.
theyre good people :)

i'll be there for you
for support and stuff alrights?
i'll even give you all the little tips
for taking good care of it :D
what kinda "ifs" are you thinking about?
anything i can clarify?

i'll be texting you soon,
to see if youre alright :)

anw, i think that post about 'protecting me'
and having the same 'interest' as fox
(to protect me)
i think its sweet of you.
im super fucking glad you kinda, trust fox.
and its important to me.
she means alot to me,
and so do you!
its good that you both get along, too.
remember what we talked about outside cine?
while we were sitting on the railing,
drinking bubbletea and smoking?

i like how you noticed..
how fox turns away only when im fast asleep.
makes me have more faith, yannoe?
like how i always complain to fox
that she doesnt hold me,
or maybe sometimes she doesnt care as much as she says?
and i do believe her,
when she says i mean the world to her.
and its nice knowing from a 3rd party,
that that's what you see too.
she went "SEE! SEE!" hahaha when she read it

i hope fox is on 'the same note' as you too
i believe she is :)
i know she wont let anything hurt me
she wont let anyone come near me too
i feel, safe. grins.

just wanna say
thank you to my top 2 'ladies' in my life
my beautiful wife,
and my bestfriend.
both who are always behind me,
no matter what.
and same goes,
imma support both of them too.

havent forgotten denyse too! :))

don't move-

2008-01-11T02:23:00.000+08:00

youre curled up
holding my big bolster
with that reindeer bedspreads.

youre sound asleep;
on the pillow you always lie on,
the one i lay on last night.

don't move baby,
don't stir.
i need you still,
sleeping there.

stay asleep,
my precious wife
i need you sleeping soundly
i need you in my life.

you cant go
youre not allowed to leave
i want you by my side ALWAYS
and i dont need that space to breathe.

hold me close,
as you dream away
we'll hold each other thru the night
and sleep well into the day.

iloveyoutoomuch;pleasedontevergo.

hate that i love you so

2008-01-10T14:43:00.000+08:00

that's how much i love you;
that's how much i need you.
and i cant stand you,
must everything you do make me wana smile
can i not like you for a while?

but you wont let me
you upset me girl
and then you kiss my lips
all of a sudden i forget that i was upset
cant remember what you did

but i hate it
you know exactly what to do
so that i cant stay mad at you
for too long that's wrong

but i hate it
you know exactly how to touch
so that i dont want to fuss, and fight no more
said i despise that i adore you

and i hate how much i love you girl
i cant stand how much i need you
and i hate how much i love you girl
but i just cant let you go
and i hate that i love you so

you completely know the power that you have
the only one that makes me laugh

said its not fair
how you take advantage of the fact
that i love you beyond the reason why
and it just aint right

one of these days your magic wont affect me
and your kiss wont make me weak
but no one in this world, knows me like you know me
so you'll probably always have a spell on me-

the fights are now a 2 way anger.
im not sure if it'll make us stronger.
i do hope it does,
and leaves both clinging on,
more than ever.
instead of
planning to walk away.

i need to find a middlepoint
so as not to feed her anger, or mine

im afraid it might have made us drift apart;
emotionally.
sometimes it feels like we're starting over
i dont know what it is.

does she still get the fuzzy feeling;
when im holding her?
does she still love me the way she always;
unconditionally, and willing to do anything?
does she still miss me;
when we're apart?

i know; and i understand
that people's tempers are different.
they react differently,
and sometimes when theyre angry
theyre a whole different person.
its almost like it swallowed the person
youre in love with;
throwing this other person at you,
making you feel that she doesnt care,
doesnt love, and doesnt need you.

i need her; thats why i dont chase her away
when we argue; even when i was angry to tears.
she still does though.
and i feel that she doesnt need me;
i told her. and she said if she doesnt;
she wouldnt be around.
but i realize.. i feel that
cos she still chases me away.
she makes faces, says mean things..
and its like she doesnt care that,
i might really go.
im not threatening;
im just afraid it'll hurt me so bad one day
i'll really go. :(

i dont wanna go anywhere;
without her.

about time

2007-12-11T10:12:00.000+08:00

well, its about time i updated this shit.
most of the time i have a million things to say
(getting deja vu again)
but i dont have time to put it here.
maybe i'll get something off my chest today.
k i just read shit on Deja Vu on wikipedia -
slightly weird. and pointless to put here.

first issue i'd like to address -
FACE-fucking-BOOK.
its lame, yes.
its something to do when you have, nothing to do, yes.
its almost like friendster, but more complicated, yes.
it shows how bored people can get, yes.
it pisses me off when they spam my wife, yes.
it pisses her off when i get spam, yes.
it pisses everybody off when they get spammed, yes.

gees. i almost wanna cancel the account,
but as i said - its something to do,
when you have NOTHING to do.
but she has facebook,
tsk. i'm keeping facebook.
well and i can randomly POKE people
like posh, ernie etc
its like, a rude way of keeping in contact.
you SUPER POKE. -.-

i dont like ppl msging her
i dont like ppl spamming her,
mass send or not.
i dont like ppl hugging her,
random or not.
mass send or not.
i dont like ppl buying her,
as a fucking pet.
these ppl, have too much time on their hands.
and these ppl - are particularly being
pointed out as ex-es, hi-bye sch friends,
random strangers, ex-happenings, etc.
whatever.
as long as theyre not someone i know/trust
yucks, i detest it. sorry.
(deja vu again)

and i dont know whats up with deja vu's
im getting it quite often.
im in a rather grumpy mood now.
apparently i called her
at 920am. she said shes gonna change.
it's 1030am. and no sound from her.
and i realize, it irritates me to wait
for msgs. its almost like, uncertainty.
like "i'll call you when i reach school"
and they take 2 hours to call you.
get what i mean?
or like "bye, i'll call you later"
and they dont?
i just realized i dont like waiting,
cos i kinda look forward to every msg
that when i dont really get one
i get irritated, and give up waiting?
shrugs. or maybe im just grumpy now.

its quite funny, she
mentioned having a "complain-about-your-mother"
website - where ppl log in, to...
yes, complain about their mothers.
hahahah. i wonder if one already exists.
bet most of the mother-related complains
are rather similar
"she doesnt stop telling me to clean my room!"
"she panics when im in the kitchen,
and screams at me, saying she smells gas!"
"GAS LEAK!" *private joke* HAHAHA
"ZHAO HUO AH!" HAHAHA.
"LANG FEI DIAN!" HAHAHHA.
we call it 'catch-phrases' from yours truly. HAHAHA.
-gets up from the floor-

shes been over since.. 2 week ago?
on and off, been staying over for 3-5 days?
like 3 days, 5 days, 3 days etc.
i love it.
leaves me slightly.. *cough* dependant though.
like, when she goes home, i feel empty.
havent slept alone in a long time,
last night i slept on the couch.
i love it when shes around. :)
its almost like we were living together,
really spending ALOT of time with each other.
i love it, every single minute.
i dont know how she feels bout it,
somehow sweet endings havent been coming from her side.
shrugs. the last msg she sent that's 'keep worthy'
was like, 12th november? a month ago. haha.
ok, she wrote me a note too. and she said she doesnt send msgs
cos we're always together! which is true.
haha, which i went against - cos i sent her msgs
when she was upstairs and i was downstairs.
oh wait, it was when we were next door.
i was printing shit in bro's room
she was next door in my room. ha.
today im spending it away from her, shes got work.
think i better get my ass up, and start looking.

i wanna buy alot of stuff,
but no money to :(
shortage shortage. tsk.
plus if anything, i wanna try save up for a trip
or something.
im afraid i really might not be able
to get her anything nice for her birthday.
my mom doesnt look like shes gonna loan me anymore.
really, theres no other way to get.. enough money.
need to work.

gonna update wishlist i guess,
then when i save up enough.. imma go buy it ALL!
wee. okay. its photography lesson.
taking product shots. chao-

no one.

2007-10-12T15:54:00.000+08:00

well, im alone in class.
i dont think labs gonna be open til 430.
which is abt the same time that i'll finish posting.
im slightly paranoid - i dont wana sleep/nap alone in class.
eeeeee.

i just want you close,
where you can stay forever.
you can be sure
that it will only get better.
you and me together..
through the days and nights,
i dont worry cause
everythings gonna be alright.
people keep talking,
they can say what they like.
but all i know is everything's
gonna be alright.

when the rain is pouring down,
and my heart is hurting,
you will always be around..
this i know for certain.

i know some people search the world,
to find something like what we have.
i know people will try to divide
something so real
so, till the end of time
i'm telling you that

no one, no one
can get in the way of what im feeling.
no one, no one
can get in the way of what i feel for you.

my eyes are tired,
my heart is afraid.
i feel that i need you,
i can feel my heart ache.

it screams out your name
when youre not in sight,
and it still screams out for you
late in the night.

kiss me and hold me
love me and keep me,
i dont want you to think
i'll be fine if you leave me be.

stay around, take a leap
i was selfish a long time ago
and i lost more than i gained.
now take this leap with me,
and i wont let you go.

i hope you'll understand
what i'll explain to you, later.
i wish you'd hear me out,
it's gonna sound so ~~fucking~~ lame.
but if you dont believe me,
i've fucking done my best.
its so stupid, ~~and i'm about to cry in class~~
but i hope you hear me out.
as i said, if you dont believe me.
i dont know what else to do.
i really dont, i really, really dont.
i really dont.

im sorry i freaked about that picture.
i couldnt help it. youre mine. fullstop.
she DOES NOT get to touch what I AM FIGHTING FOR.
WHAT I LOVE, WHAT I HAVE.
she doesnt, she doesnt.
its mine, i'll protect it, until i cant ~~anymore~~
shes mine, im proud and im VERY HAPPY.
DO NOT ruin my happiness, and DO NOT ATTEMPT to touch her.
unless she wants.
then i'll sit in my room, and sulk. :(

and i know it might cause more fights than solutions,
but i think that we should learn..
for US in the long run.
we should communicate.
something affects you, SAY IT.
the shortest distance to a solution,
is communication. :(

selfishness makes you lose more than you gain.
you may feel like you gain short term
but long term, youre gonna ~~regret~~ hate it.
as i said. i was selfish.
and look where it's getting me.
breathing is a chore, you know?
as and when i think about it,
i wish i wasnt thinking of myself FIRST.
i hate myself, every single cell.
but you made me love ME, for ME.
flaws and all.
and i love you ((:

tears are screaming,
hurt is streaming,
i sit by the window
and think of..

magic

2007-10-05T14:42:00.000+08:00

im half frustrated.
i dont know why my blog doesnt have BOLD or ITALICS.
only thing i can do to accent something/word
is to make it bigger.
shrugs.

anyway. school's alright.
learnt about the functions of red blood cells and haemogloibin, the molecular structure of haemoglobin, and the purpose of both RBCs and Hb.
class is over now. gonna start doing my RJ.
feel like fighting with my FYP advisor.
shes being mean to me - she aint guiding me.
and she aint making it easy for me to get into the lab.
so i email dr teo and ask if i can get in.
of course he'll be in the lab, so im dropping by.
and she (FYP advisor) emails me (cos i CC-ed her) and says
"Why do you email Dr teo?"
why else? cos you wont let me in the lab.
and you cant stop being M-E-A-N.
like baby's lecturer. laughs.
lets not mention names; or races.
*coughs*

i dont know how im gonna finish my CE points
when i gotta get my ass to lab EVERYDAY,
and that the talks that give points are........
*drumroll*
you got it..
ALL AFTER SCHOOL.
-.-''

and i can go for one then rush to the other..
both are from 430-530. what the. o.O
oh well. nevermind, maybe i'll catch up,
then i can get my points,
then the diploma.
then FREEEEEEEDOM.
for awhile.

baby came down and joined me for lunch
i like :D:D
look baby! a spider! -> ::::D
laughs hysterically-

and hey baby?
youve got magic inside your fingertips
its leaking out all over my skin.
everytime that i get close to you,
your making me weak with the way you
look through those eyes.

and all i see is your face,
all i need is your touch.
wake me up with your lips..
come at me from up above ;)
i need you (:

i rmb the way that you move
your dancing easily through my dreams.
its hitting me harder with all your smiles,
you are crazy gentle in the way you kiss.

baby, i need you to see me
the way that i see you.
lovely, wide awake in the middle
of my dreams.

((:

my name is ah chong number 2.
i live in ah chong's big fat heart.
i love ah chong,
i love my wife.

it's not over.

2007-10-04T15:57:00.000+08:00

i was blown away
what can i say?
it all seemed to make sense.
you've taken away everything.
and i can't deal with that.

i try to see the good in life,
but good things in life are hard to find
we'll blow it away, blow it away
can we make this something good?
well i'll try to do it right this time around.

taken all i could take,
and i cannot wait.
we're wasting too much time
being strong, holding on.
can't let it bring us down.

my life with you means everything
so i won't give up that easily
i'll blow it away, blow it away
can we make this something good?
cause it's all misunderstood.
well, i'll try to do it right this time around.

let's start over.
i'll try to do it right this time around.
it's not over
cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.

this love is killing me,
but you're the only one.
it's not over.

was supposed to be in school today.
and tuesday, and friday, and thursday.
well and the whole of last week.
shrugs-

im gonna try get some studying done.
and just as im saying that,
my facilitator replies, and says he'll be in the lab
-.-"
you should see my face now.
zzz.

nevermind. gotta rush off.
no time to unload my brain.

havent decided if im going on sunday either.
do i need time alone with AH CHONG?
laughs.
cos next week the ah chongs will be both busy
with their own work.

shrugs. we'll see. (:

fades-

2007-09-28T03:32:00.000+08:00

youre not alone, together we stand.
i'll be by your side, you know i'll take your hand
when it gets cold, and it feels like the end
theres no place to go,
you know i wont give in,
no i wont give in.

so far away, i wish you were here
before its too late, this could all disappear
before the doors close,
and it comes to an end
with you by my side i'll fight and defend

keep holding on,
cause you know we'll make it through
just stay strong,
cause you know i'm here for you
theres nothing you could say
nothing you could do,
theres no other way when it comes to the truth
so keep holding on,
cause you know we'll make it through.

hear me when i say i believe
nothings gonna change, nothings gonna change
the way things are meant to be.
whatever's meant to be
will work out perfectly.

my smile's fading.
and i dont want it to.
i can feel it leaving me.

i was THIS close
to my long-term happiness.

and i'll fight for it,
till i cannot fight no more.

i heard before -
you cant win a battle you never fought.

so im fighting, and i hope i never stop.
but my smile's fading,
and along with it,
a part of me (:

i'm holding my heart back together ~~myself~~ for you.

ughh. gross-ness.

2007-09-03T02:08:00.000+08:00

had a bad case of feng mok..
or whatever you wanna call it.
science term it's Urticaria.
zz. its horrible, whatever you call it anyway.

baby stayed for like, 3 days?
in a row..?
and shes TOTALLY sweet.
helped me to stop panicking when it spread,
followed me to the doctor twice to get jabbed..
cos i couldnt stand the itching.
she even told me,
i wasnt ailen,
no matter how bad it looked (:

she was there, making me feel better,
she was there, to keep me company.
she was there, to help me put calamine lotion
she was there, to play Rummikub with me
she was there, to watch tv with me
she was there, to watch Jackass 2 with me
she was there, to stop me from scratching
in the middle of the night.
she was there, to change bedsheets for me
she was there, to go down and collect mac's
she was there, to even help me walk my dog
she was also there, to smoke with me
she was there, to hold me and kiss me when i
wanted to look at the.. spots.
she was even there, to sit in the toilet,
and accompany me as i bathe (:

i hope it stops itching soon.
i hope it goes away before the apartment.
im fucking anal now,
washing my hands all the time,
ive bathed at least 3 times today.
at least.

im starting to run out of clean clothes.
laughs.
laundry doesnt come back that fast.
haha.
i hope i'll be 100% fine by apartment,
and by my birthday.

and i hope it wouldnt come back :)
i had 2 jabs in 2 days.
first one was Promethazene..
strong sedative effects.
knocked out after she finished changing bedsheets.
next day, it got worse
so went for a mild steroid jab
on the BACKSIDE :(
pats left buttcheek-
i was telling her -
damn, i hit jackpot! 2 jabs in 2 days!!
but yeah, i'd rather pass on the jabs
and pass on the Urticaria altogether.
so anw, left arm was spastic cos of the 1st jab
now the i sit tilted to the right
cos of the left butt-cheek. laughs.

after LOTS of sleeping
and a few pills, it faded
but spread to the extremities,
the face (OMG), hands and feet.
decided to go out and grab bubble tea..
then bought macs fries,
sat outside Parkway and smoked.

helped mom carry grocery bags after.
went home, i ate oats, she had pizza
(that we also had for lunch earlier)
shes home now, think shes kinda happy.
shes been here for a long time..
think she missed home. haha.

anyway, it feels quieter..
and no arms to run into before i sleep.
its a little lonelier.
and i hope she doesnt get bored or sick of me.
or of seeing me so much :(

baby, you have no idea..
how much i appreciate you being here
these few days. (:
im so sorry you were delayed in doing your work
and that youre rushing it now.
i dont wana be selfish,
and i just wana say im super happy
that i had you with me when i wasnt
feeling tip-top.
and panicking by myself in the middle of the night,
or alone in the toilet.
at least you were there,
and you told me i wasnt.. alien.
even if i were, you did a good job
at making me feel better ((:

im sorry if i was a pain these few days,
and im sorry if i made it hard for you.
i just wana say, a real big fat
THANK YOU
for everything youve done for me.
i cant thank you enough.
i love you (:

she sleeeeeeeps

2007-08-31T04:11:00.000+08:00

its almost sept! about..

7 days to the apartment
8 days to stephs birthday
12 days to MY birthday!
16 days till ~~shit~~ school starts.

i dont feel entirely bitter now..
relatively happy. actually, im happy.
its bad that im not tired,
i gotta get my bodyclock going again.
its like 445 am? zz-

my girlfriend is sleeping now
sound asleep in my bed, rolled up in my blanket.
ive taken a picture of her..
i call "tattoo-ed, sleeping, snoring
and hugging a bright pink pillow"
giggles-

ive been having nightmares. not sure why.
theyre quite random too.
some i cant remember, only this sinking feeling in the morning
and feeling tired - like i didnt have a good night's rest.
blah.

even when she sleeps next to me,
i get these weird dreams.
sometimes its about her..
getting shot or something.
or like, me trying not to drown?
-.-"

BESTFLEN!
i've almost done learning yellow.
just gotta get the plucking of the guitar STEADY
and CONSTANT as i read off the lyrics off a piece of paper.
laughs.
we should choose a song to sing together.
and i should go practice playing "because of you"
giggles.
when are you coming over!
sugar misses her treats. haha.
shall we meet on sunday?

oh and DONT LET PEOPLE TELL YOU THAT YOU SUCK.
YOU DONT OKAY!
cause youre my bestfriend!
okay, but seriously..
just take it again. it'll be sweeet.
if you fail it, then well, yeah you can stop being bothered
if you DONT, which i think might just happen,
they can shut up and shove their words up their asses.
~~HEH.~~ ha!
good night bestie, sleeeep well!

baby, my love is all i have to give
without you i don't think i could live
i wish i could give the world to you,
but love is all i have to give.

will you still love me tomorrow?

2007-08-27T02:57:00.000+08:00

tonight youre mine, completely.
you give your love so sweetly
tonight the light of love is in your eyes
but will you still love me tomorrow?

is this a lasting treasure?
or just a moment's pleasure?
can i believe the magic of your sighs?
will you still love me tomorrow?

tonight with words unspoken
you say that im the only one.
but will my heart be broken
when the night meets the morning sun?

i'd like to know that your love
is love i can be sure of
so tell me now, and i wont ask again.
will you still love me tomorrow?

so tell me now, and i wont ask again.
will you still love me tomorrow?

its a really old song. think amy winehouse sang a new version.
i think its kinda sad.. yet half sweet.
i know she'll always love me. she said so. nods.
i can imagine everyone reading this would have rolled their eyes by now.
ha.

i dont wanna have to get through a day,
without her.
without her telling me she loves me.
with that smile of hers.. and the way she looks at me when she says it.
the way she really means it.
the way that makes me feel totally loved.
and happy. (:

im learning a new song now.
guitar parts kinda boring.
it's yellow by coldplay.
but im learning the tanya chua version
its not THAT bad. shes not THAT bad.
its just the female version of yellow

in C#. nods. well soon soon. :D
shes gone off to bathe.
im gonna go lie in bed soon, and wait for her call ((:

look at the stars, look how they shine for you
and everything you do.
and you know, i'd bleed myself dry.
and i love you, you know i love you so.

bittersweet.

2007-08-20T10:52:00.000+08:00

everyones going all mushy now.
so lets, give some flavor to the world-
besides only sweet.

my mother. is. freaking. me. out.
shes recording all the shit i do on somesort of a table -
or like some template or something.
gees.
i have ALOT to say to it.
i dont know how she'll react to it,
or how i'll react to it.
i cant really be bothered.. it pissed me off to find out
and it might piss me off even more if she doesnt have a good explanation why shes recording MY FUCKING LIFE.
i know, shes my MOTHER.
but still, right? zz.
privacy, no?

okay, so ive got a new piercing. thats 17.
i told myself a long time ago that i want 26!!
but im already running out of places.
the new one's the conch.
i like it. i like both of them. got two now.
baby pierced it with me..
same side, same place. "couple piercing"? laughs.

i do admit, it hurt like fuck. but aye, the endorphin rush is worth it.
damn it felt good. haha. baby dint like it too much.
wanted to show wenny, denyse and geral the new piercing..
but they cancelled the outing on sunday. hope i see them soon (:
prolly meeting denyse after sch in town for a while.
have a smoke.

schs cold. and my classmate is complaining about his com -
he was playing CS with his laptop touchpad and his com hung.
so hes just talking to his laptop and asking it to co-operate.
gonna go smoke with my other classmates later.

this is getting ~~bo-liao~~ boring/useless/unproductive
i used to complain about ppl ranting on blogs.
ranting abt how a aunty shoved her in the train,
and how smart she was to go "SIAM LAH" back at the aunty
or like how lame her brother is for taking her pencil
... zz -.-"

i might update later.
when i find more things to complain abt.
oh, and do ppl actually read blogs?
or read mine? i think i read my own blog.
you think its crazy? whats wrong with it

sometimes i forget what i write - what i was thinking
so i refer!
im gonna go copy that list my mother has.
HA. im not gonna be a good girl abt it.
i feel violated. like she aint respecting what i do.
yea its her house. what's she wan me to do?
LIVE ON MY OWN!?

if i could, fuck, i would.
6 more months - im out of poly.
then if i go to australia..
im gonna be on my own.
for at least 3 years.

then i can be as lesbian as i want.
up yours, mommy.
you wanna be a bitch and make me feel like this?
then im sorry, i aint opening up to you.
you can go DIG OUT MY BLOG,
(since youre already reading everyone else's)
and then you can READ ALL THIS CRAP
and realize that your daughter is NOT HAPPY.
that youre so pretentious.
you wanna know what i can say when im angry?
nono, im not even angry. im SLIGHTLY irritated.

youre crazy, youre fucking lunatic.
even i dont write down EVERYTHING.
if you wanna say 'its my house' and that im 'in it'
then you wanna write down

HOW MANY TIMES WE HAVE AWESOME SEX?!

its still in the house - its in a room IN the house
how would you feel? if i counted the number of condoms you have
or that i watch you, when you come in, when you go out.
when you talk to daddy, when you go out with your friends,
what time you come home, whether you even come home at all.
all you do, is see the bad things - she stays, she leaves in the morning
blahblahblahblah all that bullshit

how about.... that im HOME? that i TALK TO YOU?
you take for granted dont you? i mean shit to you.
youre just bored. or jealous that SOMEONE CARES ABOUT ME
more than ANYONE ELSE CARES ABOUT YOU-
well at least more than i can care for RIGHT NOW.

i admit, i did open up to you - almost trusted you
but now, its all in my face. its UP MINE now.
youve made me close up. wanna know what the fuck is close up?
wait wait, i'll BLOW UP first. then close up.
you wanna run behind daddy? sucks for you.
im going to talk to him first. hes not gonna give-a-shit.
then you can run to that suay useless sister of yours.
that i REALLY dont care about.
i still wanna know what happened between you three.
WHO THREE?
daddy, you, and YOUR SISTER
scandal, pleaaaaaaase. -.-

oh and you want me to open up to you?
how about you, madam-moiselle? huh?
just cos youre the mother means you dont have to share?
bull-fucking-shit. im human too. i have my limits for respect for people.
INCLUDING YOU.
just cos your my mom, doesnt mean i cant lose respect for you.
you just totally pushed the limits.
you DISAPPOINTED ME.
i thought you were like, a 'friend'.
now youre not an ally anymore. youre some, spy for the enemy.
god i feel cheated. you weird bitch.
PSYCHO I TELL YOU - too bored in the study room, IS IT!?

or you just regret you popped out a pierced lesbian?
i am who i am. and i know you are who you are.
i have calmed my temper like, hundred-fold since you first KNEW me
when we were still living in baycourt.

im nice now. this is me being nice.
and theres a part of me that goes
"aww, dont really say all these things, you'll regret when you fall-out with your mother"
AT LEAST I CARE - IM STARTING TO QUESTION IF YOU DO.

you ask me where i am, i say 'out'. then you get all emo on me and how i shouldnt push my bloody limits.
when i ask you who youre going out with? WHAT DO YOU TELL ME!?
"dont worry so much. and its my friend, lah"
GOT "LAH" SOMEMORE. zomg.

OH, WELL IM SORRY
does all this hurt?
WELCOME TO MY WORLD (:

oh and you REALLY expect me to trust you?
im either going to TELL YOU ALL YOU CANNOT HANDLE
and PUSH YOUR LIMITS
or im just gonna shut off from you.
to be honest, I'LL FUCKING SCARE YOU -
WITH ALL THE INTRICATE DETAILS YOU CAN BARELY..
IMAGINE.

red head

2007-08-17T14:28:00.000+08:00

sch's so cold today.
was late for class as usual.
i dyed my hair red on wed
i like it.. nono i love it :D

OHH and baby bought me jeans yesterday!
white skinny jeans from topshop.
SWEEEEET. grins.

its the weekend. its FINALLY the weekend.
and ~~the wrong time of the month~~ something spoilt my weekend.
laughs. dont think it'll stop us though. giggles.

did nothing in sch tday. just slacked, smoked, walked arnd the labs, analyzed the labs, then walked back to class.
played multiplayer psp GTA vice city stories. FUN. :D
got bored after a while thou. then started racing each other.
so the class ordered pizza.. 50% sponsored by the teacher :O
shes nice. i talked to her. she has a PhD in Ecology. shrugs.

while waiting for the pizza, smoke somemore.
after pizza, smoke somemore.
after school? im gonna smoke somemore. :)

baby said shes going to pick me up.
schs real far.. hope shes not too tired. smiles.
i like it when she picks me. makes me as happy as when i pick her from work.

was sad this afternoon before lunch
she disappeared again :( she always disappears in sch.
sulks. but i understand, cos its SCHOOL.
but it still makes me sad she just vanishes for like, 3 hours?

at least i tell her i'll call her in like 2 hours (when it happens)
then she doesnt have to keep checking her phone.
AHHH small deal. dont know why im talking about it.

class started 45mins ago.
babys at home. miss her already.
cant wait to see her after school!
~~yes you bastards, die of diebetes! HA!~~

OH and shes so sweet.. she never liked blogs. she never had one
but she has one now! hops-
so cool. haha. at least now if/when shes bored and blogs
i can go read it (:

drank bubble tea and ate one slice of pizza.
and now i need to pee bcos sch is sub-zero temp.
you need like gloves if you wana retain the use of your fingers.
typing warms them up..
so does................ -trails off

okay. i gotta run off to the toilet.
gonna warm my hands with....
the hand dryer :D

waves-

FUCK

2007-08-06T15:59:00.000+08:00

i just tried to post a fucking long post.

and it disappeared.

not meant to say
what i said then.

shrugs.

err

2007-07-31T16:28:00.001+08:00

sorry, the words are really big!!
HAHA. i copied and pasted it.
yuck, cant stand irregularities.
ugh-

genomics.

2007-07-31T11:36:00.000+08:00

"In vertebrate cells, the methylation of cytosine seems
to provide an important mechanism for distinguishing
genes that are active from those that are not.

The methylated form of cysteine,
5-methylcytosine (5-methyl C),
has the same relation to cytosine that thymine
has to uracil and the modification likewise
has no effect on base-pairing.

Consequently, a simple mechanism permits the
existing pattern of DNA methylation to be inherited
directly by the daughter DNA strands.

An enzyme called maintenance methyltransferase
acts preferentially on those CG sequences that
are base-paired with a CG sequence that is
already methylated.

As a result, the pattern of DNA methylation
on the parental DNA strand serves as a
template for the methylation of the daughter DNA strand,
causing this pattern to be inherited directly
following DNA replication."

you know, i used to think it was ultimately cool
that i got a chance to study all this.
i mean, to be honest, if information was spoon-fed
to you, its bloodly interesting.
otherwise? like PBL systems? its fucked up.

those paragraphs are EASY. wait til you see the diagrams.
i wanna cry just looking at them. it takes so much brain work
that i fall asleep staring at them! zz.

and my classmates arent helping. i tink they actually..
understand this shit.

and i feel kinda out of place.
theres a fat bitch in my group, she looks like those
church freaks. the kind that doesnt know what a handphone is.
well i compiled the powerpoint slides for my team,
cos i dint really do ANYTHING,
and she dint do anything either.. so what does she do?
she REARRANGES WHATEVER I ARRANGE.
talk about trying to make a point.
i dont know if i was more angry or irritated.
or sad even. gees.

seriously?! i mean i arrange it to give the presentation
some sort of a 'flow'.. and SHE comes and un-does it
and my teammates were like "Huh? wasnt cell determination
before cell differentiation?" zz. x2. -.-

my right eye is kinda spasming on me now
its being stupid cos my eyes are dry and tired.
and i rub it and it tears. so i look like im crying,
in one eye.

gonna wait to go smoke soon. then make my way to town.

baby, sorry i was kinda a bitch this morning,
im real tired, and i was slightly grumpy. you being
grumpy too dint help both of us either.
but i tried to calm myself, and make sure i wasn't
being unreasonable. hugs.

okay. gonna go now. before christine calls me-

chaos

hold on

2007-07-27T15:16:00.000+08:00

this world is sometimes so cold
but you dont have to go
youre feeling sad, youre feeling lonely
and no one seems to care.
your mothers gone,
your father hits you,
this pain you cannot bear.

but we all bleed the same way as you do
we all have the same things to go thru.

hold on if you feel like letting go
hold on, it gets better than you know

your days you say, are way too long
and your nights you cant sleep at all
and youre not sure what youre looking for
but you dont want to no more.
youre not sure what youre waiting for,
but you dont want to no more.

dont stop looking, youre one step closer
dont stop searching, its not over.

hold on-

days may get rough
times may get tough.

but we all eventually pull through.
bad day today.
bad day tomorrow.
its okay, we'll look forward to the days
where we're all happy.

believe it'll get better,
and i promise you it will.

sometimes

2007-07-25T04:17:00.000+08:00

dont we all wish,
sometimes we could just close our eyes,
fade into the background.
and disappear?

or sometimes our ciggarette will last longer,
just to sit there a little while longer and talk?
or sometimes when tears well up in your eyes,
you wish you could just bow your head..
and just weep in pain?
and wait for the rain to wash it away?
maybe sometimes you wish
that the person youre fighting with,
would just stop talking about it,
and just TOUCH you. even for a little while.
sometimes, you just wish for it to rain,
to feel the cold, sharp raindrops taste your skin,
and you can embrace the downpour?
sometimes, you wish your heart would
stop aching, stop the tears from welling.
or find something that could stop it.
or how sometimes you wish you'd forget,
everything. to stop eating yourself alive..
when youre alone- when no one knows.
and sometimes you wish you stop crying
when you sit by your window, ciggarette in hand?
sometimes, you wallow yourself in regret,
you live in bitterness, hating yourself for something
youve done, or youve NOT done.
and sometimes, you wish you wouldnt wake.
or even sometimes, you wish for a surprise,
ANY surprise. on a bad day. thanking the world
when it finally comes to you- if it even does.
sometimes, you wish you could stop feeling,
even to stop feeling happy, for fear of it being taken away.

or sometimes how you wish.
that all the effort you take,
to run away from reality,
that it wouldnt catch up?
give you time to breathe through it?
catch your breath from running?

but life sucks, theres no such thing.

yoou.

2007-07-17T15:18:00.000+08:00

okay boring-
in class. bet the tcher can hear me typing.
nevermind i dont really care,
its 330, class is kinda over.
going to go smoke with poh heng and emma
both have UT thou. so i might meet them after.
then going down to meet Baby.

i've tons of school work to do;
and i just realised, i have TWO final yr projects.
just bcos we dont have attachments,
we gotta do TWO FYP's. OMG. dies-

the current one is giving me workload til my neck
not even thinking about the professional profiling i gta do
then i gotta finish this one by august/september
than get ready for the next one.

goodness, you gotta be kidding me.
ive been illustrating all the experimental nonsense,
and my eyes are tired, so is my brain

im almost enjoying the stress,
suddenly feels so long ago since ive felt, relaxed.
even this wednesday, the no-school day
i gotta get to sch for mock poster presentation
then i gotta get my ass over to teach tuition

cries.
and last night, had such a bad headache,
popped a panadol then knocked out
til morning. :(
Baby called me 62 times and i dint answer
OMG i swear i felt damn bad :(((
so so sorry. sighs

then we started 'fighting' about..
how i say things i dont mean.
do i? do i really?
like what? saying sorry just cos theres
no other word that fits? :(

and when i say i aint pissed,
i just aint. its not a big deal.
if im angry you'll know im angry.
even then i dont have the heart
to be angry at you.

im leaving class now.
its too cold, and i gotta get to the lab
FOR WHAT??

somemore final yr project stuffs. sighs-

i find peace when im confused,
i find hope when im down,
not in me. but in YOU.
its all i know.

girl next door

2007-07-14T04:34:00.000+08:00

small town homecoming queen,
shes the star in the scene
theres no way to deny she's lovely
perfect skin, perfect hair
perfumed hearts everywhere
tell myself that inside shes ugly.

maybe im just jealous
i cant help but hate her
secretly i wonder
if my girlfriend wants to date her

shes the prom queen,
im in a marching band,
she is the cheerleader,
im sitting in the stands
she gets the top bunk,
im sleeping on the floor
shes miss singapore
and i'm just the girl next door.

senior class president
she must be heaven sent
she was never the last one standing
a backseat debutaunt
everything that you want
never too harsh, or too demanding
maybe i'll admit it
im a little bitter
everybody loves her
but i just wanna hit her

i dont know why im feeling
sorry for myself
i spend all my time wishing
that i was someone else

i get a little bit
she gets a little more
shes miss singapore
but im just the girl next door.

~~the stupid kid next door.~~
what i dreamt yesterday made me feel
that i was the girl next door,
compared to her.
dreamt of someone, i was insecure about
whatever-
but yeah. and i just felt that
no one can be as pretty as her
as good as her, or that shes always,
a little better than me.
and it's true,
i did try to tell myself, that inside
shes hideous.
but nope. it's plain obvious
she aint that bad. she aint bad at all.
shrugs. my sch senior somemore.
even more to compare, huh?

but i know im just being insecure,
as in.. dreaming about all this
that prolly isn't true, and that's in the past.
oh well. just wanted to say,
my dreams are horribly real,
and i hate dreaming these dreams..
without waking up with
you beside me.

word out to denyse,
stay happy please? it's been a LONG road
youre finally at the end of that
long lonely road youve been walking
for months, and months.
smile please, i want the joy back (:

word out to jenny,
youre leaving on the 25th,
PLEASE meet us.
i'll be sad if you and fox dont get
a chance to meet.
okay? :):) call me soon..
and take care of those teeth..
well cant really ask you to take care
of the one you plucked out,
but you know what i mean (:

word out to bestflen,
bestflen-day soon okay! :)
or at least lets just meet yah?
maybe like lunch every sunday or sth.
hugs. and try get jenny out for me.
laughs. i think her phones always off.
hmm.

i love you guys tons. (:
see you all soon aights. hugsss-

she.

2007-06-12T01:48:00.000+08:00

she may be the face i cant forget
the trace of pleasure or regret
may be my treasure or the price i have to pay
she might be the song that summer sings
may be the chill that autumn brings
may be a hundred different things
within the measure of a day.

she may be the beauty or the beast
may be the famine or the feast
may turn each day into
a heaven or a hell
she may be the mirror of my dreams
the smile reflected in a stream
she may not be what she may seem
inside her shell.

she who always so happy in a crowd
whose eyes can be so private and so proud
no one's allowed to see them when they cry
she may be the love that cannot hope to last
may come to be from shadows in the past
but i'll remember til the day i die

she may be the reason i survive
the way and wherefore i'm alive
the one i'll care for
thru the rough and many years
i'll take her laughter and tears
and make them all souveniers
where she goes i've got to be
the meaning of my live is she

this song says all :)
shes mine, shes all ive wanted.
and im happy.
im finally, happy.
i've looked high and low for it,
i've tried working for it,
praying for it,
and it's finally mine..
happiness is mine.
she is mine.

i smile everytime i hear this song.
and im gonna keep smiling. grins.

she might not know how much she means to me
she might never know how special she is.
i might never know how much she loves me.
i might never know how special i am to her.

but it doesnt matter.
we have each other now, and its all good.
denyse says that everyones sad now
everyones all like, breaking up and shit.
but no, we'll be good for a long time (:

commitment problems? naw.
not for me, not for she.

shes damn sweet. i felt like wearing orange tday.
just cos its a monday.
and she wore orange with me..
well i kinda asked her to, and shes sweet enough
to wear orange with me too! :D
gemma was like,
"WAH BOTH WEARING SAME COLOR! SICK!" -.-"
sick, meaning.. idk what it means. but yeah its not like
GROSS. i hope. =/

think we'll be bored if we go on thurs, just both of us?
think she doesnt like it.
shes gonna ask her darling to go
and i dont know who else can/will go.
wenny SURELY cant go.
her parents will skin her if she asks i think.
even then, i dont think she even WANTS to go -.-

well we'll see when thurs comes. as for now,
tomorrow is ice-skating with denyse and baby,
then don't know what we're doing after.
then wednesday is rollerblading with wenny, denyse and baby.

then thurs is zouk. emma is going too. bet we'll see
quite a few people there :D

okay, baby just called me. gonna go now.

tata! :D:D:D

beautiful, you're my favourite girl.

drive

2007-05-18T03:07:00.000+08:00

todays words for the day.

sometimes, i feel of uncertainty stinging clear.
and i cant help but ask myself how much
i'll let the fear take the wheel and steer.
it's driven me before, and it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal.
but lately im beginning to find that i shld be the one behind the wheel.

whatever tomorrow brings, i'll be there with open arms and open eyes.
whatever tomorrow brings i'll be there.

so, if i decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive
will i choose water over wine and holy my own and drive?

whatever tomorrow brings, i'll be there.

andyousaidnever,butwasneverreallyNEVER?
idontknowhowmuchtoaccept,andhowmuchtoforget.

i love the way you love me

2007-05-14T00:12:00.000+08:00

heard this on the way home
(again. yesyes i know)
and i just liked it.
made me smile.
cos i thought of her (:

i like the feel of your name on my lips.
and i like the sound of ur sweet gentle kiss.
the way you run ur fingers thru my hair..
and how ur scent lingers, even when
youre not there.
i like the way ur eyes dance wen you laugh..
and how you convinced me to dance in the rain
with everyone watching like we're insane.
but i love the way you love me.
i could list a million things
i love to like about you.
woo baby i love the way you love me.

i do love the way you love me.
thats why i dont wanna let it go.
(:

im gonna try every little bit
here and there..
to have you trust me.
but i know,
and you know,
that im gonna run outta ways.
and im gonna run out of tears
to cry when i cant think of anytin more.
whats gonna happen then?
i dont want us to fade away.
i dont want this...
habit of reminding myself..
to get in between us.
if you touch a stove,
and it hurts, it burns.
you RMB it hurts,
you wont touch it again.
if you FORGET it hurts,
you'll touch it again.

i dont wanna touch it again.
i gotta make sure i rmb.
sooo. krystal's gonna change.
again.
(:
i hope it all turns out good.
if it backfires,
its gonna suck, SO BAD.
but trust me,
i aint gonna take paracetamol
or acetaminphen.
it doesnt kill.
laughs.

okay im kinda busy
talking on msn
so many bloody windows
and im perspiring..
cos my aircon aint on -.-"
and i need to smoke. zz.

ihopemyexecptiondoesntgotowaste.
i hopemylovedoesntgotowaste.
ifitdoes,i'lltakeitlikeaman.
cosideserveit.

Breathe Again

2007-05-10T14:24:00.000+08:00

okay. so lets not be drama-mama's.

but i came across these lyrics - what're the fucking chances.

i dont wanna scare anyone away.. but imma say it anyway.

if i could sing it, damn straight i would.

If i never feel you in my arms again,
if i never feel ur tender kiss again,
if i never hear 'i love you' now and then,
will i never make love to you once again?
please understand, if love ends,
then i promise you, i promise you that,
that i shall never breathe again.

and i cant stop thinking about
the way things used to be.
and i cant stop thinking about
the love that you gave to me.
and i cant get you outta my head;
how in the world would i begin,
to let you walk out of my life,
and throw my heart away?

and i cant stop caring about
the person who fits my hand?
and i cant stop doing without
the center of my life.
and i cant get you outta my mind.
god knows how hard ive tried.
and i cant stop doing without
the rhythm of my heart

okay. time for next post.
don feel like continuing this one.

waves.

Ordinary.

2007-05-06T22:53:00.000+08:00

blame it on friendster,
blame it on the internet,
blame it on ME even
or blame it on the fucking weatherman while youre at it.

i see pictures and pictures.
i shouldve saved them while i fucking could.
im NOT going back to your friendster again.
why do i bother?

instead of seeing something there that makes me happy
i see something that makes me wanna walk away.
leave it all behind.
i can do without the ache.
i can do without me thinking about ur exs.
i can do without the fact i KNOW that becos of you,
im going to ~~cry~~ again.

im selfish. i get it. you are mine. you have to be ALL mine.
i dont share. i dont WISH to share. ever.
first it's friendster's problem.. of how what, 23 out of 60 pictures
weren't supposed to be there?
i fucking shouldve saved them.

oh then now i see one that makes me raise an eyebrow
well its not explicit.
but sure as shit doesn't make me wanna go back to that page.
i just told myself; there's nothing in there for you

so i dont visit. lah.
easy peasy. i'll go write my bestfriend a ~~testimonial~~/comment..
whatever.

ugh. zz. don't know why i bother.
bestfren says not to bother.
"the past is the past. if you keep dwelling on the past,
you'll be too busy to enjoy the present, and too
caught up to create a future."

the past is what makes the person who they are NOW.
the past is what can come back,
AND BITE YOU IN THE FUCKING ASS.
or UP it if it's your girlfriend's past. O.O
the past has changed the person
to what they are now.
good, or bad.
and normally, it's the person who changed them,
that has the biggest impact on their life.
who cares if she doesn't love her?
it's who she does that matters.
okay. going out of point.

i know i've got a past too.
at least it doesnt sit around
in my iphotos, or in my handphone
or in my friendster.

im not blind.
but i can pretend to be.
you can call me psycho, sure
know what it feels like to be so tired?
of that ache in ur 'center'?
when you see something.. you dont want to?

thank god i haven seen anything do anything
gravely wrong in my face.
i might lose it.

nono okay anyway.
im tired of it.
and im still tough enough to turn
and walk away.
hurts, yeah no shit.
but im still tough enough.

whose eyes am i behind? i dont recognise
anything that i see.
whose skin is this design?
i dont want this to be the way that you see me.

i dont understand anything anymore
in this world that im tired of
is taking me right up these walls
that i climb up to get to ur story
is anything but ordinary.

and when the world is on it's knees
with me its fine
and when i come to the rescue
i get nothing but left behind

everybody seems to be getting what they need
wheres mine?
cos youre what i need so very
but im anything but ordinary

can you save me from this world of mine?
before i get myself arrested with this expectation
you are the one, look what youve done
what have you done? this is not some kinda joke
youre just a kid. you werent ready for what you did

i think im tryin to save the world for you
youve been saving me too.
we could jus stay here and save each other

im anything but ordinary.